Excel Saga
I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby give my permission to make the Excel Saga anime into a B movie action flick. --Koshi Rikdo
I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby give my permission
to make the Excel Saga anime into a B movie action flick.
Koshi Rikdo
Wanna watch it?
Sore wa ai ja nai
That isn't love
Ai wa sore ja nai
Love isn't that
Aishite iru kedo aisarete wa inai
I am in love, but I am not loved
Kesshite ai ja nai
Definitely isn't love
Ketsu wa ai ja nai
Derriere isn't love
Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai
I want to be loved, but I never seek it out
Kono mi sasagete inochi nagedashi
I offer myself and throw my life away
Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni
Looking neither left nor right, I will just earnestly
Damashite sukashite yokohairi
Cheat, wheedle, interfere
Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamashite
And trample down and kick strangers
- Tonzura koite! - Tonzura koite!
- And we get the hell out! - And we get the hell out!
- Tonzura koite! - Tonzura koite!
- And we get the hell out! - And we get the hell out!
- Tonzura koite! - Tonzura koite!
- And we get the hell out! - And we get the hell out!
Tonzura koite!
And we get the hell out!
Banana no kawa de korondemo
Even if I slip on a banana peel
Sore wa subete ano kata no tame
It is all for his sake anyway
Shiite iu nara sore wa kitto
If anything, that is probably
Ai to iu na no chuuseishin
A kind of loyalty called love
General, where in the world are we headed?
Who cares?! We have no purpose!
But!
Then, what are we flying around for?!
It's just for the dramatic presentation of a B movie.
I see.
This world is corrupt!
Are you listening, Hyatt?
Yes.
The Earth is swamped with wars,
which give rise to starvation, poverty, and death,
and the people...
The people cannot even find regret within their hearts.
Are you really listening?
But of course.
They only concentrate on improving their invincible military power.
A lasting peace is a dream beyond a dream!
They spend their capital on their hatred without a backwards glance
and they have completely given up trying to understand each other.
Could they possibly have the right to call themselves victims?!
No, they do not!
There is only one thing that could bring true control and stability
to this world, and that is our ACROSS...
Hyatt...
It seems that you are unable to hear what I am saying.
Not at all.
I am listening, Lord Ilpalazzo. Please continue.
Well, that is a different issue.
About today's mission...
This is?
Excel has gone missing. Find her for me.
Miss Excel?
She looks like that.
She was fasting for four days and counting, due to lack of capital.
This is a photo of her trying to hide her hunger with a weird look.
Keeping in mind that she might look more normal at present,
please search for her!
Hail, Ilpala...
No good.
It seems like she will be more reliable than Excel.
Everyone, how have you been doing?
I am in a pretty terrible predicament.
Could it be that, in the end,
humans cannot reach an understanding with one another?
I trespassed just a little bit
and they've imprisoned me and interrogated me.
I have not been given the right to be silent or call an attorney.
It has been a 24-hour endurance torture fest with no explanation.
They keep mentioning spies and secrets,
but a skirmish like this in such a remote area
is so totally unrelated to someone like me,
who serves Lord Ilpalazzo.
Why can't they understand that?
Oh, a little higher.
There are many others who were caught the same as me,
and I made some friends as well, but...
Their numbers dwindle as the days go by.
When we have accomplished our conquest,
perhaps there is a need for a country-wide purge.
Goddamn!
Well, that's pretty much what's been going on,
but I can't stay here too long
and inconvenience Lord Ilpalazzo, you know?
And so, as you can see, I am independently carving my way home.
However...
Every so often,
I find these things that are difficult to comment on.
So, I do wish to return home safely soon,
before I become like this tomorrow.
I am so hungry!
It's no good.
Putting on a weird look won't hide the roar of my digestive organs.
Come to think of it, what could have happened to Menchi?
This is exactly what that mutt is for.
That mutt
Cute little thing, aren't you?
Hey, want this?
There's no rush, it won't run away.
Come to think of it, what's his name?
Now that you mention it, we hadn't decided yet.
How about Micky?
Micky?
I remember, he liked dogs too.
He used to say that when he was discharged,
he'd open a pet store in his home state of Alabama.
And he had to die like that!
Let's stop this!
But she's a female.
So what?
When he was discharged, he was going to have surgery
and become a woman in both body and soul and live happily with me!
And he had to die like that!
Oh, well, anyway, you're Micky now.
What are you men doing?!
Yes, Sir!
We were playing with Micky!
What?
Is this Micky?
Yes, it is, Sir!
How many times do I have to tell you? He's already dead!
We have no time to waste looking back on the past!
We always have only this moment to live.
Yes, Sir!
I'll give you wimps a special training exercise!
Build one doghouse within the day!
You'll get no mercy if you don't make it on time!
Yes, Sir!
Freedom!
Freeze!
You have the right to breathe.
You have the right to blink freely.
You have the right to pick your nose freely.
Oh?
Hey, you dog over there! Might you be... Ow! Ow!
I'm falling!
Stay there and pray! For good weather for tomorrow's execution!
Of course, we'll still do it even if it rains.
Oh, stop!
I believe this environment is far too harsh for a beautiful heroine!
Besides, what about food?!
Oh, I guess there is some here.
It got away! Today's special on the menu!
How noisy.
I never thought anyone else would come here.
It has already been twenty years, but you are the first.
Who is this place? Where are you? I am Excel.
I am one who once tried to expose their secret by infiltrating them.
Though now, I am just a wretched iron mask.
But I came too close to the truth.
Young one, there are things in this world
that one definitely does not need to know, though it is too late.
That's no good! I have to quickly get back to Lord Ilpalazzo!
Ilpalazzo?
This
How dazzling. Your youth is your passion.
Old man...
I am not an old man! Call me Tetchan.
All right, Tetchan! Is there any way to escape from here?
It may sound cruel, but no, there is not!
The outer walls are slimy
and there is no sign of people passing by.
We have absolutely no hope of being rescued.
Oh, come on!
All that's left is to think of how to enjoy this vast amount of time.
Well, if you put your mind to it, it can be pretty fun.
I don't want to be in such a loveless, dreamless, hopeless place!
Who will aid Lord Ilpalazzo?!
I've had enough! I'm leaving!
I will erase this apartment and you guys from my life!
Oh, come on.
We only used your porn for a potholder for a little bit.
It could even enrich the flavor.
Soy sauce flavor...
Shut up! I'm leaving! I'm leaving right now!
Good-bye and good-bye to you bastards!
Good-bye! Good-bye! Good-bye! Good-bye! Good-bye! Good-bye!
This is...
Undisguised desire!
Shut up!
What's with that beauty?
Is there anything I can help you with?
And you are?
Well, I'm a run-of-the-mill Watanabe just passing by.
I...
Yes?
An apartment nearby...
Maybe it'd be better if you didn't talk?
I'll walk you there. Come on.
Thank you so much.
I am going to be living in
room 204 of a nearby apartment building.
A nearby apartment building?! Room 204?! That's next door!
Nice to meet meet you. I live next door...
I'm Nabeshin.
Not you! Hey!
Hey, Micky! It's done!
So, you like it then.
Hey, we helped too. Don't monopolize Micky.
That's right. Take a look at my art!
Hey, Micky's female, remember?
Oh, what a big mistake I've made!
Curry rice.
Squid jerky.
Menchi cutlet.
Egg on buckwheat noodles.
Horse sashimi.
Salted fish guts.
Pickled scallions.
Sea urchins.
Meat.
Crepes.
Pudding a la mode.
Donuts.
Tuna salad.
Sweet dumplings.
Sesame crackers.
Salmon stew.
Fresh radish pickles.
Cake.
Kimchi.
Fish cake.
Alligator.
Boiled beans.
Eggs, sunny side up.
Tree ears.
Brown rice.
Potatoes.
Seaweed.
Whale.
Rice.
Sukiyaki.
Millet dumplings.
Sesame tofu.
Fruit parfait.
Green soybeans.
Sweet and salty soft bamboo shoots.
Raw tuna.
Roast beef.
Shark fins.
Lemon pie.
Strawberry jam.
Mousse.
Sweet and sour kelp.
Yellowtail.
Apple juice.
Watermelon.
Pumpkin.
Egg custard.
Shiitake mushrooms.
Hairy crabs.
Garlic.
Chestnut and sweet potato dumpling!
Oh, I hate this! I don't want to waste the rest of my life
on a game coming up with names of foods that I can't eat!
Well, that's life, those are life, this is life, they're all life.
Oh, no!
That's right! I should live more like a pretty girl and go...
Lord Ilpalazzo!
What is it, Excel?
I love you a hell of a lot.
I don't want to be doing monologue four-frame comics either!
Who's there?!
You haven't changed a bit, Tetchan!
That voice!
That's right!
Nabeshin has just arrived!
Nabeshin!
Tetchan!
Oh?
How did you find this place?
I asked an army guy who got discharged.
What about the heroine's position?
You haven't changed. You're just like you were in the old days. What about the heroine's position?
So are you.
Hello? Isn't this kinda cheap?
Now, let's get outta here!
Hey...
I wish you well!
Wait a minute!
Are you just going to leave me here and go?!
I don't think it's too much to ask to be saved at the same time!
But you look heavy.
Pissed!
I'm not that heavy!
I'll hold it against you! I'll hate you! I'll die on you!
I'll die, become a ghost, and play that game by your bed every night!
Furthermore, I'll...
And I'll only say stuff like that! On top of that, you...
Emergency Exit
Let's go.
Thanks a bunch.
Escapees!
File Footage
Get them!
Nabeshin!
Yeah, this is bad.
Let's split up from here.
Take this with you.
That's some dandruff, man.
I wish you luck!
Hey, hey, they're even skipping along too, you know...
There she is!
This way!
What's so funny?
I never thought I'd be in a fix like this with you again.
It brings back old memories.
We can reminisce together later.
How's Space Butler doing?
Oh, he's still the idiot that he's always been.
What's wrong?
A snake!
An anaconda?!
How careless!
Who would have thought there'd be an anaconda here?!
Hang in there!
Are you all right?
Oh, no, the poison is starting to work its way through.
Well, I'd be more worried about the lower half of you.
Well, we'll ignore that for now.
I'm a goner!
You idiot, what are you...
It's okay. Just leave me here.
I could never do that.
Nabeshin, my mask...
Well? Have I aged?
Not at all. You're just like you were in the old days, Tetsuko.
Nabeshin, one more time? Like we always used to?
That's as far as the love scene goes.
So it was you after all, Nabeshin.
Haven't seen you since the war in Bokoda.
You bastard!
Fire!
Tetsuko!
Nabeshin...
Tetsuko...
Tetsuko!
We can't allow anyone to escape from here, you see.
You bastards!
I'm lost and I'm hungry...
Menchi!
Don't move!
Oh, my!
Splendid, Nabeshin!
Truly a Ninja Commando from Hell!
Run! Run! Run!
This is it!
I have won!
How dare you!
Micky...
Menchi, it's okay, I'm not mad.
You just wanted to come along too, right?
Menchi, nothing good is born of war.
It is just foolish destruction.
In the end, a society like this
needs a ruler like Lord Ilpalazzo!
Sandora!
Welcome home!
I'm home...
Oh, you.
Dear!
Why?!
Papa's home, so let's have dinner.
Yeah!
Papa?
Oh, Dear, he's become so completely attached to you.
Well, he's not the only one, right?
Oh, Dear!
Gomez
They have me... But my son and my sexy wife are with Gomez...
No!
Well, now that I have had some sleep and come back to life,
I suppose I shall return to my duties.
Oh, peace is so wonderful!
But with only one photograph, I have no place to start searching.
Later, I'll apologize to Lord Ilpalazzo
about my unexcused absence.
Oh, but I guess dinner comes before that.
If only I had a few more clues.
Dinner, dinner.
Oh, my.
What's this?! What's this?!
We just met and she's dead already!
Episode 3: The Sacrificial Lamb of the Venomous Great Escape of Hell
Today's experiment...
Failed
The visuals and audio collected onto this videocassette are sold for the limited purpose of use in private homes only.
Kizuiteta ano hi kara
I knew, ever since that day
Anata ga chikazuite kitawake
The reason you had approached me
Hagotae no yawarakai
Tender and soft
Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to
That my body is to your taste
Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni
To your hunger-stricken eyes
Kono mi wa dou utsuru
How does my body seem
Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni
If you are to eat me, do it in one blow
Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni
So that the meat does not get hard
Love: A sweet and painful agony that everyone goes through.
Like and dislike, beating and throbbing,
and somehow vaguely sweet and sour memorial of youth.
You there, without any childhood friends, maids,
or step-kid sisters and with completely matured armpits.
Please recall that day after school,
when you snuck into the classroom
and licked all over the bamboo flute of the girl you liked.
And the folkdance where you had to line up with the girls
because there weren't enough people
and you ended up having to dance with all guys.
The words of "I love you" that you wrote on the tapeworm test sheet
and gave to the girl who was a member of the health committee.
Maybe it's a youthfulness that's like to and heart and boys and be.
Next time is lovey-dovey puny love. The common name is "Love Puny".
Episode 4: Love Puny Next time is lovey-dovey puny love. The common name is "Love Puny".
Episode 4: Love Puny No, it has nothing to do with that. Really.
Episode 4: Love Puny